The Application

It has been little over a week since Mr Shutaq applied to the Praetoria. I do not think I had slept more than a few hours in those early days. I had been keeping my normal patrols up, so by all appearances things were as they should be, except to perhaps Ensign Saint. Carelessly I fell asleep... or passed out, in his Pax Praetoria club. I found myself in that chair, my face resting on it's padded arm like a pillow. My empty glass and nearly empty bottle of wine were sitting on the nearby table. Ensign Saint didn't seem to make much of it. Either he's wise enough to keep any thoughts to himself, or he's just flat out stupid. Even though he's a rock breaker, I'd wager it's the former.

I followed up my interview with Mr Shutaq there, in Pax Praetoria. He agreed to the additional terms regarding the Basilica, and with that, he was cleared to submit his formal application. I do not remember if I said something to expose myself, or if it was just clearly written on my face...

"You don't want me to join, do you?"

"Your course is set, Mr Shutaq. I will not impede it. Nor can you now."

My Captain's duty forced me to say it, lest we lose a capable combat veteran whose loyalty to the Empire is without question. I tried to leave then, giving him some type of encouragement. I am sure the words sounded hollow and mechanical. Then of all things he could have spoke..

"Want a drink?"

His half smile and playful gesture towards the minibar caught me totally off guard... the Captain was gone.

For some time we where there. Mr Shutaq laid out his life's story between glasses of whiskey and wine. By the time he reached when he became a capsuleer, I'm not sure how much we had enjoyed. It was enough that we were impaired, that is certain. The anti-climatic manner in which he spoke of being a capsuleer after such a lavish and grand story prior, also caught me by surprise. The humor I found in it must have been great, because I was unable to contain my laughter.

I was sitting on the arm of his chair... that chair... doubled over trying to catch my breath. By proxy he was infected, and succumbed to hysterics. I was the first to recover, finally being able to sit upright. Towards the end of his throws of laughter, his head came to rest on my lap.

Finally, here I was at last, as I had wished to be those many weeks ago, at the Utopian Dream. I looked down into his dark eyes, a residual smile lighting up his face, and gave myself into the most basic of desires. As my lips were pressed against his, I fought back the waves of decorum and decency trying to stop me. I was successful, for a moment. In that moment, all things fell away, all things... until there was nothing left but a man and a woman, Aldrith and I, sharing the slightest spark of the Divine.

I will never be able to share that moment with him again.
His application was accepted hours later.
Ensign Shutaq.

I'm beginning to find sleep easier. Wine has been of some help in that regard. I have again given myself to my duties, though they are not coming as easily as in the past. I pray God will give me the strength to fully be their Captain again, as my station demands.

END