War of Words

"I do think I am beginning to understand. that you couldn't find a man that would have you."

What kind of monster am I? I look back now as I spoke those words, it was as if I wasn't the one speaking them. It was if I was watching myself from afar, but the voice was cold and vindictive.

I had every right to be furious, I know this much. Why I gave into her verbal abuse this day I cannot say. I have suffered her remarks without so much as batting an eye in the past. I surmise that even I have limits.

"I'd never thought.. oh well, I guess its normal for such lowborn scum as you to act like this, I should never have begun trusting you like this.. you're no better than him, you're just.. scum, you Ni-Kunni are all the same."

There was nothing behind her words. They were weak, powerless. I had hardened myself to a much more furious onslaught, but it never came.

"Shut up you low born runaway, you have no idea, you hear me, no idea at all, and now get out of my eyes and wash some rags or something."

It was like something in me smelled her vulnerability and struck like a predator sensing the kill, and strike I did. I did not feel the slightest hesitation, and I savored her inability to respond.

"Hmm? No quips forthcoming? I really expected more of you, Laerise"

My victory was complete.

"I hate you."

"I no longer care what you think of me."

I meant it, at least for a time.

Now all I can think of is how horrible it was. How I let myself become so vicious, regardless of what she says. I let myself... I let Aldrith down behaving in such a manner. I'm not sorry for thinking those thoughts, I feel they are correct, but I did act out as she says... in a low born manner, like scum. Do I care what she thinks of me? God help me, but I do.

For that, I hate myself.